Mental Illness

It's been awhile...but there's been a lot going on with us as of late. Nothing fun of course. Just illness after illness after illness. Sometimes I just feel like we are getting punished over and over again. Nothing in our life is easy. Nothing in parenthood has been easy for us.
Sometimes I set down and think about all the stuff we've been through and I honestly wonder how we made it.
We take things day by day but there's times where I just lose it. Usually during times where I've forgotten my medication for a night or two and I start to slip down a dark path. You don't realize how sick you are when your on medication until you are without it.
Mental illness runs deep in Paul's family as well as mine. It's something we've both dealt with our entire lives. Be it anxiety, depression or bipolar disorder. Paul's Mother was diagnosed as bipolar when we was 10 years old. I know that was a hard time in his life and I honestly wonder sometimes how he turned out the way he did.
I'm not going to even pretend like I know everything about mental illness but I also think most phychiatrists don't have a clue either.
How could we begin to understand something as complex as the human brain? I also think that mental illness is a forgotten illness as things like cancer and heart disease often comes first in medical research.
When Kathy checked herself into a local mental hospital after revealing what she had done I really didn't know what to think.
They thought she was delusional and was making up the things she had done to other kids and Logan. But why did she choose this to be delusional about? Why Logan?
And if it was just a delusion why did Logan have so many other red flags? Why was he terrified of her?
This delusional diagnosis was something she could hide behind. Her confession meant nothing now. She thinks she's done these things but none of it is true. The doctor's stood behind their diagnosis.
We see Logan's struggles everyday they don't. It's easy to say he's just a little kid. He couldn't remember anything. Nothing came of the investigation with Logan. No details. Case closed. It was all just a delusion on Kathy's part.
I really think something did happen. Do I know what for sure? No. I don't think I ever want to know but I think something did.
I think this "breakdown" that Kathy had was a way for her to come clean but hide behind something she knows so well.
In the year since this Kathy has moved out of her Sister's house, met a new guy, bought a new puppy and talks as if nothing has happened. She's been diagnosed with OCD! That's freaking it. OCD has nothing to do with delusions. Nothing! Yet it's still all ok with everyone. Amy can go on with her life now that she had to give up 6months of hers to care for a Sister that was so sick. 6 months of her life!
While Logan struggles day to day with life itself! He's clinically depressed and has severe anxiety. The anxiety doesn't bother me as much as him being depressed does. Anxiety runs in my family. But for a therapist to tell you that your 4 year old is clinically depressed is a huge blow as a Mother. All you want is for your child to be happy. From the moment he was placed in my arms that's all I wanted for him. I feel like I failed him in that and I honestly don't know how to fix things for him. It was already hard enough to know that I passed on my allergies and asthma to him.